The key to being confident is to really embrace your true self, be yourself, be authentically you.
We are all unique and sometimes this gets lost or forgotten about when we try to imitate what we see on social media and ‘reality’ TV. Not meeting these images can have a negative effect on your confidence.
It all starts with you, the people you surround yourself with and the messages you are telling yourself. That internal dialogue is so important.
Growing up I had a few issues with my self-image following on from a traumatic experience. I developed Anorexia. This led me to lose a lot of weight rapidly. I thought I was perfectly normal. I thrived on eating as little as possible and exercising excessively. These quickly became my daily best friends. It actually wasn’t about the way I looked at all it was a way of controlling a part of my life, while everything around me seemed so unstable. It exposed many insecurities about my self-image and led to me analyze every detail of the way I looked. If I have a flat stomach then everything will be ok, crazy thoughts would literally torture my inner dialogue daily. Looking back I think those tender teenage years are so vulnerable. The internal pressure that I put on myself, I questioned everything - Would I be good enough to go to University? What do I want to do? What are my friends going to do? Do I fit in? Basically a mountain of insecurities that I never told anyone about. On the outside, I was actually a quietly confident person, shy to begin with but I always wanted to contribute and share my opinion. I had a curious mind wanting to absorb knowledge and I found meeting people very intriguing.
I eventually went to my GP for help. The help & support I received was amazing. My family and friends were all so relieved. The healing process wasn’t easy, its not a magic formula that instantly makes everything ok. I had to put the work in and the most important thing is that I understood that sometimes its OK not to be OK. Being patient, kind, and compassionate to myself is something I really live by and I encourage my friends and family to treat themselves in this way too.
As I got stronger I started to focus on my capabilities and what I wanted to do with my life. My creative floodgates opened and I have never looked back. Everything I’ve put my mind to I have achieved - yeah I’ve made mistakes along the way, but confidence is believing in myself and trying again. We are all born with greatness & unique gifts, we just need to have the confidence to share them with passion and be ourselves.
Perfection is never going to be achieved. People who strive for this lose the fun and the whole concept is a total distortion of reality. Reaching for perfection is exhausting and it is totally self-inflicted. Giving yourself permission to relax and go with the flow will unlock your true potential. Being authentic is being who you truly are.
My top confidence boosters:
Write down 10 amazing qualities about yourself and keep them somewhere you can read and remind yourself of them. Even better do this with a friend where you both write down 10 qualities about each other and share them.
Be your own best friend and treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would do your best friend. Know your worth.
Positive vibes only! - If a negative thought enters your mind then replace it with 2 positive thoughts.
Be yourself, be authentic, and don’t be afraid to experiment and create your own style.
Visualise yourself achieving a goal, what does it feel like, how will your life change. Write it down with a date when you want this to happen. Then work backwards from there taking steps to make this happen.
Learn new skills from experts. This will positively reinforce yourself with the capabilities to achieve that goal or next level in your life.
Failure is NOT a negative thing - read that again!! It’s actually a blessing in disguise. A failure can be dissected, take away everything you learned, and try again. I believe we learn far more from our mistakes than we do from our triumphs.
You have got this! - being confident doesn’t mean walking around saying how fabulous you are all day long - its an inner trust in your abilities an inner knowing that you will be ok.
Confidence takes all shapes and sizes. I am a quietly confident person, I do my work behind the scenes, quietly under the radar only surfacing when I’m ready - Boom!! The true key is to be you and find what fits you.
We don’t need to be an expert. It’s ok to learn as you go, wing it for a bit until you find your groove. I learn new things every day. This is what life is all about, growing and enjoying the journey.
Posture - walk the walk is definitely a way to bring your inner cheerleader to the game. Stand tall, shoulders back, and look people in the eye. If you walk into a room all slouched and looking at the floor I’m afraid it’s game over. Your posture is a reflection of how you are feeling so do it with style and finesse.
Do one thing just for you every day - Yes every day, you are worth it and you need to invest in YOU.
Daily Affirmations - So an affirmation is a positive message you repeat to yourself. It could be ‘today I will have an abundance of energy’ or ‘I am fearless’ I love to do this each day when I am doing my morning yoga. I repeat them over and over when I am taking an outward breathe. It sets your mind to a positive place of self-belief.
Do something out of your comfort zone. The level of excitement you get when you achieve a goal like this is so empowering.
Power - never give anyone your power. You are unique and you are strong and the only way you let someone overpower you is if you allow them to. Their opinion only matters to you if you value it. Imagine you are carrying a key in your pocket and this is your power. Always keep this safe in your pocket.
I want women to show up in the world and feel confident, empowered, and strong. Start that business, design that app, build that empire, and dream big!
Ladies, This is your Confidence Call.
So guys I will be back next week with more RubyLoves advice and fabulousness!!
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Lots of Love